The Translator
by doctorwho29
Summary: A very goofy one shot of Drakken and his malfunctioning language translator


**Hi everybody! This is a very silly story I threw together for a laugh. It is by no means intended to be a piece of fine literature but just a funny something to brighten your day. **

_**I do not possess Kim Possible or the bananas contained without. My left ear is wishing you much joy and flatulence as a result of the dung you are about to partake of**_

* * *

><p>The lair of Dr. Drakken was particularly quiet today. Shego was completely absorbed in the business of filing her claws and utterly ignoring her boss. Suddenly the silence was rent by a diabolical laugh that the wicked female knew only too well. She knew that Drakken had just completed some new scheme to take over the world that was totally doomed to failure.<p>

"Three…two…one…" she counted as Drakken burst into the room with his latest invention in his hands.

"I've done it Shego! I have really done it!"

Even though she knew she'd regret asking Shego inquired "What have you done this time?"

"Only created the ultimate world domination device. Behold the Drakken Universal Noise Generator!" He was holding up what appeared to be an alien gas mask.

"Uh-uh okay so what does DUNG do?"

Drakken was confused for a moment before realizing the unfortunate acronym "The Drakken Universal Noise Generator" he explained trying to ignore Shego's smug look "translates human speech into any other sound in existence. I could speak any language, I could talk to animals…"

"I could make very realistic farting and burping sounds whenever you sit or speak."

"Yes, yes…That's rather hurtful Shego."

"Then my job is done."

"But think about it; I can use this device to converse with any world leader! Think of the power to be gained if I use it correctly. Listen whilst I introduce myself to you in Icelandic" he put the mask on and began to speak _My shoe size is Drew. I am most pickled to meet yourself_

Shego gave him a blank look "Yeah I have no idea what you just said."

"Brilliant! The machine works! The world will bow before me in no time."

"And how will that work?"

"I'm going to send videos of myself whilst digitally disguised as other world leaders negotiating peace but really getting them to give me political power over their countries."

"First big question I have is why don't you just call them?"

"Because I haven't perfected a Drakken Universal…oh okay a DUNG that translates other noises into English. It's a one way street."

"In other words you invented a toy that has no practical use and are now really stretching to find a way to play with it because you're too pathetic to have a life."

"I am going to say something to you I've wanted to say for a long time Shego" he put the mask back on and said, with pure malice in his eyes _My sugar bunny, please be my own for all time for you are evil and sexy. Please to be birthing my children_ He then stuck is tongue out at her and stormed away.

A little later Drakken was sitting in front of a camera wearing the DUNG. "I think I'll make my first video letter out to the President from Russia." He began filming and spoke _Greetings Spoonface! I am cheesed to inform you that I am sending frogs to your pants. I have much respect for your bottom and am going to enjoy raining death upon it. I hope insincerely that we can be friends until the smallpox sets in on your doorstep. I am now to be wishing you a and the large cow you call a wife a pleasant evening. Good Morning!_

"There that will make a nice start to the negotiations. Now to make sure he knows exactly where to send the reply" he entered his own address "and send! Now for the head of Japan to make peace with the head of Germany."

He pressed record and these words came out of the DUNG _My lovely supreme sausage!_  
><em>The aroma of your farts gives my left foot much pleasure. I wish also to compliment your busty daughter and say how much like a dead fish she looks. Her personality as well soups only before a rabid cow. My wish is for a most bouncy companionship to blossom between us. Your citizens are a most nauseating zoo for they are strange and cheesy. I hope to smell from you most quickly dear bratwurst. Until next day<em>

"Ooohhh this is fun. Even if my plan fails I'll still have some interesting stories for later. I wonder how they'll respond. I just had a light bulb! I think Kim Possible's website could use a new video; like on of me visciously insulting her in an obscure language. First she'll be confused then angry once she translates it."

Drakken's message to Kim read as such _Hello beautiful flower. The fragrance of your hair is like roses and peaches. You are wonderful and I am nothing. Your victories at my expense will persist until the sun ceases to shine. May luck smile upon your family for generations!_

"This is so much fun!"

The next morning Drakken was walking past his front door when there was a loud knock. "What in the world?" He answered and turned white as he gazed upon a very large woman.

"Are you the one who called me fish and insulted my father and homeland?"

"I…I…I…"

"I'LL GIVE YOU BOUNCY!"

Shego, wondering what the commotion was came in to find Drakken being twisted into a pretzel by a daughter of the German Prime Minister.

"Oh how aweful!" she screamed "There's blood on my new rug!"

"Shego! Save me!"

"A very familiar command. Hey princess nobody beats up Drakken but me!" Within minutes the unconscious German was being flung into a transport pod and sent back home.

"Thanks" Drakken said has he untangled himself "I don't think my device works as expected."

"Ya think? By the way do hear that sound?"

"What; the sound of an American made nuclear missile zooming through the sky? Yeah why?"

A suddenly panicked Shego pointed into the air and Drakken said "Oh poopy"

One bright flash and a mushroom cloud later a charred Drakken and Shego were floating on pieces of flotsam from the nuked lair.

"I hate you" Shego said

"Stupid DUNG!"


End file.
